In the journey towards personal growth and well-being, we often hear about the importance of self-esteem. However, there is another equally vital concept that deserves our attention: self-compassion. While self-esteem is about cultivating a positive sense of self-worth, self-compassion takes this a step further by teaching us to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we extend to others, just as we would to a good friend.
At its core, self-compassion comprises three interconnected pillars that can profoundly shape how we relate to ourselves and the world around us.
Imagine how you would respond if a close friend made a mistake or faced a challenge. You'd likely offer them kind words of comfort and encouragement. Self-compassion encourages us to do the same for ourselves. Rather than being critical or self-deprecating, it invites us to treat ourselves with warmth and understanding, especially in moments of missteps and setbacks. This involves fostering a gentle and loving inner dialogue, one that soothes rather than berates.
We are all human, bound to make mistakes and encounter difficulties along our paths. Recognizing our shared humanity means acknowledging that suffering and imperfection are universal experiences. Instead of isolating us, our struggles connect us to others. In fact, going through challenging times can enhance our ability to empathize with and understand the suffering of others. The knowledge that we are not alone in our experiences can provide a deep sense of comfort and belonging.
Mindfulness is the art of being present in the moment, observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice is a cornerstone of self-compassion. It allows us to navigate negative experiences and setbacks without succumbing to reactivity, defensiveness, or depression. By staying in the present and not dwelling on the past, we build resilience and develop a healthier response to life's ups and downs.
Research shows that self-compassion and self-esteem are closely intertwined. Unlike self-esteem, which can be contingent on success or external validation, self-compassion is based on an unwavering foundation of kindness towards oneself. This genuine care for our well-being, especially during challenging times, creates a positive sense of self-worth. When we approach ourselves with self-compassion, we develop a sustainable and authentic self-esteem that doesn't waver in the face of setbacks.
In a world where self-criticism and comparison often dominate our inner landscape, embracing self-compassion becomes a revolutionary act. By treating ourselves with the same kindness we extend to others, we unlock a wellspring of inner strength, resilience, and empathy. So, remember to be your own best friend. Embrace the pillars of self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness, and watch as self-compassion transforms not only your relationship with yourself but also your interactions with the world around you.
Joshua O’Sullivan is a highly regarded counsellor who works with adults, adolescents, couples and families regarding a wide range of concerns and is available for new clients for in-person appointments in Fitzroy, Melbourne as well as online video appointments.
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